


So Lonely

by Sillypennie4



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Guilt, HEA, Hurt/Comfort, Kindred Spirits, Loneliness, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Remorse, Rey Needs A Hug, Sad with a Happy Ending, Taris (Star Wars), Touch-Starved, Waitress Rey (Star Wars), Walks In The Park, erotic hand touching?, is that a thing?, understated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24904444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sillypennie4/pseuds/Sillypennie4
Summary: Desolate loneliness aches in Rey's bones, and she sees the same affliction in Ben, the regular customer at her new job.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 56
Kudos: 167





	So Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in two days, when I should have been writing my other stories. Forgive me! And, as always, thank you for taking the time to read this!

"You just moved here from D'Qar?" Jannah asked. 

Rey forced herself to smile. She had only just met the girl but she seemed nice enough. Her gap-toothed smile was genuine and her personality bright. She held menus under her arm and a serving tray was clutched in her hands. She was wearing the usual uniform. All black, with a black half apron that kept her notepad and pen. Rey was grateful they didn't require a name tag because she didn't like the idea of strangers knowing her name. The down side to this was if one of her co-workers already introduced themselves, the likelihood of her remembering their name was slim. 

"Yeah," Rey replied. 

They both leaned against the vacant bar, save for one old man at the end. It was a Tuesday night, and The Cantina was practically vacant. 

When Jannah kept smiling, Rey got the impression that she had wanted her to say more. 

"I only lived there for a short time. I'm originally from Jakku." Rey reluctantly admitted. She had not wanted to add any more information about herself. 

The truth was that her story was a sad one and she hadn't wanted to share. After finally aging out of the system, she left her abusive foster father's house. She had gone to D' Qar to start anew. And for a little while she had been happy - well as happy as Rey thought she was capable of. 

She had met Finn and they became fast friends, but he got into a minor accident not long after they started their very new friendship. The nurse on duty at the hospital and he, had hit it off and before she knew it, he was spending all of his time with her. Rose was nice. Rose was great, but Rey felt suddenly bereft. She was pushed aside yet again. Rey knew that was probably not what it was really like. She had a tendency of shutting down when she felt the smallest bit like she was an inconvenience or unwanted. When she was hurt, she responded with defensiveness. 

Feeling like she was out of place, she decided to move on. She had become friendly with Finn's group of friends but she always felt like an outsider with people who had known each other for years. Besides she was having a hard time finding a job in a place so populated with very little industry. 

That's how she ended up in Taris. There were plenty of jobs for someone who didn't have a proper education. It wasn't the nicest city but it was worlds better than having to work in Corellia, where the crime would skyrocket and the skies were black with smoke. 

The Cantina had a help wanted sign out front so she walked in and filled out an application and got the job the same day. She scraped some money together to get herself a small studio apartment. It worked for its purposes. A shelter. 

Today was her first day in the bar and restaurant. Jannah had been showing her around. For a Tuesday night, Jannah was the bartender, and manager. Rey and a very twitchy man named Mitaka were the only servers. 

Jannah tipped her head down and did not ask any more questions, perhaps sensing Rey’s reluctance to say anything else. 

"Right, so Tuesdays we don't have many people. We usually only have me and one other server, but since you are new, we thought we would have Mitaka as a backup until you learn your way around here." 

Rey nodded, the three buns on the back of her head bounced with the movement. 

The bell to the front door rang and someone walked in. Jannah was quick to crane her neck to check while they were tucked further back. The space was lengthy and narrow. The bar on one side and a row of booths on the other, against the wall. 

"Right on time as usual," Jannah mumbled under her breath. 

In the dim lighting it was hard to make out the person at first. Especially since he had been wearing all dark colors. 

Rey's brow pulled together at the man. Her first impression was that he had an odd appearance. He had a tall wide frame, but his shoulders sagged forward as if gravity were too strong to keep him standing upright. His face seemed a bit too long, his nose very prominent. Rey found his full lips a bit unsettling, such a feminine trait shouldn't exist on his face. His eyes were small and set close in a pale face marked with moles. 

All of his characteristics set together were just a strange mismatch. Rey couldn't stop analyzing his face, trying to find out what about him was so off. Maybe it was the uneven, weak chin. How could one person have so many unfortunate facial features? 

"That's, Ben," Jannah whispered to Rey. "He is a regular. Comes every night. Sits in the same seat. Has the same server, orders the same meal, though he insists on reading the menu for at least 10 minutes. Then after his meal he has a Corellian whiskey on the rocks, he drinks slowly. Then pays in cash with a large tip and leaves." 

Rey raised her eyebrows at Jannah. 

She nodded as if she was totally serious. "Always comes alone. Hardly ever says a word other than his order. We know nothing about him. He doesn't seem the type to want conversation anyway. Always has his eyes down. Gives one-word answers." Jannah rests both of her elbows on the bar. "This isn't a friendly city anyway. We don't take it too much to heart, when people aren't chatty. But you would think coming in here every night for years would make a person more apt to talk." Jannah waves a hand in his direction as if to brush him aside. "Mitaka knows his routine. Best to just ignore him." 

Rey bit her lips and shook her head in agreement. 

***

Rey's first night was uneventful. She only took one table all evening. Three business executives had come in from what seemed to be a late night. They drank quite a bit and left a lousy tip. During her stretch of down time, Rey wiped down the tables, refilled salt, pepper and ketchup bottles, swept, familiarized herself with the menu items. Anything to keep herself busy. Anything to keep her thoughts from creeping in. 

Because there wasn't much else to do, Rey observed their regular customer, Ben. Sure enough, he had kept his eyes glued to the table in front of himself. He had the roasted chicken with veggies, a baked potato and a large glass of water. He ate slowly, not in a way that said he was savoring his food, but like he had all the time in the world, chewing thoroughly. 

He still seemed to shrink in on himself. She watched as he finished his meal, then nursed a glass of whiskey. He seemed exhausted somehow, ignoring everyone in the restaurant. At the end of the night, he didn't even ask for the bill. There was an air of cold indifference toward anyone else in the room. He threw down cash on the table, slid out of his booth and left without a word.

By the time they closed, she had only two tables her entire shift. Rey was thinking she wouldn't be able to scrape by if every night was the same as this one. 

When she got home late, to an empty apartment, it felt as if the silence was pressing in on her. There was only the slight tick of her wall clock to welcome her. No roommate to greet her. No boyfriend or family. No cat or dog to be happy to see her home. The toaster didn't care whether she was there or not. The cheap futon wouldn’t miss her if she never came back after leaving for the day. 

Rey sank into her bed, pulled off her shoes, and rubbed her feet. She had zero motivation to get out of her work clothes and take a shower, or brush her teeth. There was only an ache in her body to rest, to not care and let nothingness engulf her. 

Rey lay fully clothed on top of her goodwill duvet cover, curled into a fetal position. Despite her weariness, she lay awake for hours, trying to sleep, fighting back the tears that leaked from her eyes, trying to distract herself from bleak thoughts of never having a family, of never being loved. She forced her mind to think of ocean waves and sunny skies. 

***

"Hey, I'm here," Rey called walking into The Cantina. She was early. She had been early every day since she started over a week ago. After only a few days she couldn't take the solitude of her tiny apartment. Increasingly she had gotten to work earlier and left later. Rey considered getting a second job, because when she was working herself to the bone, she didn't have time to think about how lonely she was. Grabbing an apron from the back she tied it around her waist. 

"Are you going for employee of the month or something?" Jannah asked as she watched Rey roll up her sleeves and start scrubbing the dishes in the back. 

Cassian narrowed his eyes when he saw her. He was suspicious and prickly and preferred to work in the kitchen with only a selected few. Suffice it to say, Cassian had never warmed up to Rey. She was fairly certain he was annoyed by her very presence. 

"Rey can we talk for a minute?" Jannah asked. 

Rey didn't like the sound of that. She wiped off her hands. And followed Jannah into the cramped back office. 

Once Jannah was at her desk and the door had been shut behind her, Jannah gave her a weak smile. "Rey, you are my best server and one of the best employees I have ever worked with. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to approve overtime pay. I know we don’t make much here and you may want to squeeze in an extra hour or two to supplement your income, but you can’t. You will have to clock in and out at your designated times." Jannah stopped to let her words sink in. “The good news is that you are really picking things up fast and, in a few months, if you stay here, we will be able to give you a bit of a raise.”

Rey felt a lump forming in her throat. Yes, she would like a bit more money but she was too embarrassed to admit she spent more time at work because she just couldn't stand to be in a silent house with only her four walls to keep her company. She thought she was going to spiral into despair over the weekend. Telling Jannah that she would be willing to work off the clock would be pathetic. Rey pressed the palms of her hands to her thighs and nodded, keeping her eyes down. "I understand."

Jannah gave Rey's shoulder a sympathetic squeeze, then left her standing by herself in the office. 

***

Rey was wiping down a table thinking about her talk with Jannah from earlier that day, when HE came in. Ben.

Sure enough, every night shift she worked, he was there. He was always dressed in dark or black jeans and a black shirt. She had watched him each time. There was something about him that kept her arrested, something that kept her watching him in her periphery. His enigmatic face still kept her intrigued. One thing she had thought was attractive about him was his hair. It was thick and glossy, wavy and full. It looked soft and she had the crazy desire to lace her fingers through it. 

He never raised his face to regard the room around him. Always keeping his focus down, always a million miles away. There was a hollow sadness to him, a tragic story being told in the grim set of his mouth. 

Ben slowly cut his food into small pieces, bringing the fork to his plush mouth. Suddenly, his eyes flicked up directly to her. Rey startled, realizing that she had stopped wiping down the table and was staring at him unabashed. Rey turned away as fast as she could, scrubbing a spot before scurrying back toward the kitchens. 

That night, he skipped his usual Corellian whiskey after diner and left. 

When Rey went home later, realization struck her as to why she couldn't stop staring at him. It was because she could see the same loneliness she recognized in herself. The same desperation to prolong not going back to an empty home. Hopelessness. 

***

"Rey, Mitaka called out sick. It will just be you and me tonight," Jannah informed her from behind the bar. "I think you can handle it on your own at this point." 

It was a Monday night. Not busy at all. They had yet to let her work Friday or Saturday night, because they were too crowded and wanted to wait to see how well she could handle it, though she had experience.

The bell on the door chimed. Right on time, strode in their regular customer, Ben, at 8pm exactly. He dragged his feet as if he were going to the gallows instead of out for a meal. 

Mitaka took his order every time, but it would be her turn tonight. She felt her palms get sweaty as Ben sat in his usual booth, in the far corner. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed a menu, marching over to him. 

Ben had his hands folded on the veneered table. Her heart hammered in her throat as she slid him his menu. Why was she so nervous?

"Hello, welcome to The Cantina."

Ben snapped to attention, sitting up taller, surveying her up and down, alarmed, as if a dragon had just greeted him. He blinked rapidly at her in surprise. Even in the dim lighting, Rey could see he had beautiful honeyed brown eyes, soulful and expressive. She had never been close enough before to notice. For a while he didn't say anything, only gawking at her. 

"Um," Rey continued. "Could I start you off with something to drink?" 

"Where's Mitaka?" Ben asked, sounding worried. His voice was resonant, deep, causing goosebumps to erupt all over her skin. Why was she having such a visceral reaction to his proximity? 

"Unfortunately, he is not here tonight," Rey forced a smile. 

"Will he be back tomorrow?" Ben asked, sounding slightly panicked. 

"I can't say," Rey said, concerned. It was hard not to take this personally. She could take one order, especially one so simple as his. She cleared her throat after a while of him staring at her intently. "So just a water for now?" She knew full well that was all he drank with dinner. 

He seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in. "Yes," his voice came out graveled. "A water is fine." He opened up his menu, pouting at it as if reading some kind of philosophy book. 

Pivoting on her heel, Rey went to get his drink. 

After Ben had given his order, (roasted chicken with green beans and a baked potato) he had been silent through his meal. He seemed to be avoiding looking at her, keeping his eyes to the space across from him or on the table. 

Because he was her only customer, Rey was extra attentive. She was always refilling his water, asked him a few times if everything was to his liking. She only got a terse jerk of his chin. Rey hovered close by in case he needed to call her for anything. He didn't. When he was done, she cleared his plate then said, "Would you like your regular glass of whiskey tonight?" 

He heaved a breath as if he were preparing himself to do something unpleasant. "Yes, please."

Rey scuttled off and returned with his liquor. "You must really enjoy it if you have it every evening," Rey hummed. 

Ben signed. "I hate Corellian whiskey," he mumbled as if he was confessing a sin. 

Her brain short circuited. She felt the need to ask the obvious follow up question. "Then why do you have a glass every night?" 

"Penance," he replied. He took a sip, his face blank, no indication that he hated the beverage he was consuming. He caressed the sides of the glass with his fingers. The condensation wet his fingertips. 

It was then that it dawned on Rey that not only was this man lonely, but he also despised himself. For whatever reason he thought so low of himself, he punished himself in this bazaar way. Rey felt foolish for not seeing the depth of his self-loathing. It should have been obvious in his countenance, in how he never looked anyone in the eyes. Everyone that worked in the restaurant thought he was unfriendly. Had they never thought that perhaps this was self-imposed isolation? Like solitary confinement. 

Her heart ached in her chest. Guilt choked her at her first thoughts of this man. Thinking he was perhaps cold, thinking that he was ugly. Thinking negatively about him at first glance made her feel like an asshole when he thought so harshly of himself.

Rey didn't know why, but she felt the need to talk to him more. "I assumed you had trouble sleeping." She wet her lips. "I have a hard time sleeping at night. A glass of wine helps sometimes, I thought maybe the alcohol helped you sleep."

His brow pulled together. "Do you suffer from insomnia?" He seemed concerned for her. No one had been worried for her in so long that it eased something tight and twisting in her gut. 

"No," Rey said. It would be bad etiquette to tell a man she hardly knew she couldn't rest because her past hurt so much the agony kept her awake. She twiddled her fingers, her posture sagged. 

Almost like he could read her mind, he said sympathetically, "I see." 

Rey was not brave enough to see what expression he was making. She felt exposed, vulnerable and ashamed. The hot embarrassment was too much for her so she stepped away. 

"Wait," Ben said softly. Rey stopped and waited to hear what he had to say. "Do you- Do you think you would maybe like to go for a walk? After your shift?" 

This time Rey stared at him. Her mouth hanging open. Pink dusted the top of his cheeks, and his body was tense as if he was bracing himself for her rejection.

He wanted to go for a walk? She wouldn't have to go straight home after work. She wouldn't have to sit alone on her couch while halfheartedly going through youtube, just for something to keep her occupied. He was a total stranger but still... "I don't get off until after 12am. Will that be too late for you?"

Rey held her breath. She needed him to tell her that it wasn't too late. Now that the offer of company had been made, she would be devastated if he changed his mind. 

"I can wait," Ben answered, his voice a bit more animated at the prospect. 

Pure relief had her huffing out the breath she held. A smile stretched across her face. A real one. She couldn't remember the last time that happened.

His Adam's apple bobbed. His eyes softened. "I will just - just be here. Finishing this up." He motioned to his drink. 

It would be another two hours until she could leave, but having him there, waiting for her, left butterflies in her stomach. Rey was always the one waiting, always the one pining and hoping. He wasn't going anywhere. He was going to stay there for her. 

*** 

After Ben finished his whiskey, he sat at the table the next few hours, drinking coffee and tapping at his phone every once in a while. Rey had a few tables. Mostly people were there for the bar. 

Every so often she and Ben would exchange fleeting glances. A subtle warmth spread through her body. This whole situation was pleasantly unexpected. 

Jannah gave Rey and Ben quizzical peeks through the night, and her eyebrows raised when she saw him stand to walk out with her when they closed. Jannah locked the doors, looking between Rey and Ben before saying goodnight and walked away without further comment. 

Ben and Rey stood facing one another, silently. She had never stood right beside him before. He was so much taller than she estimated from seeing him across the room or sitting at his table. She rocked on her heels. Now that they were here, now what? Where were they going to go? For how long? 

Ben shifted. "There is a park not too far from here." He motioned to the left and Rey smiled as she wrapped her light jacket tighter around her torso. 

It was early fall and the air was crisp. Taris was a very large city, so even at the late hour there were still neon signs glowing for establishments that were open all night. The tall, oblong buildings blocked out most of the starry night sky. There was a scattering of people here and there with the occasional group of inebriated college kids stumbling along the steel and concrete city. However, overall, it was much quieter and more deserted than during the day. With such a large populace it only served to depress Rey more, being surrounded by millions of people yet not one of them managed to care about her. Well, maybe one, the man walking mutely beside her. 

He kept a respectable distance, leaving a foot of space between them. Though he didn't say anything, Rey didn't feel the need to fill the space with sound. 

They strolled a few blocks to the park Ben mentioned. It wasn't a park so much as a small spot that wasn't all gray and hard lines. This was the only green she had seen in the whole city so far. The grass was more moss than anything else, patchy. A few thin trees that still managed to have green leaves were planted around a small man made lake. A bench or two stood under a pool of light cast by street lamps. They were the only two there, and despite it being in the middle of a thriving city it was peaceful. 

They didn't make conversation. Rey suspected that Ben felt the same as she did, that words weren't necessary. It was enough just to be in one another's presence. It was enough to hear his soft steps beside herself, the steady rhythm of his breathing. To know that she could look to her side and see another flesh and blood person there. That she wasn't alone like she usually was. 

After a few times around the lake, Rey noticed that the gap between them shortened. The back of their hands were so close they threatened to brush up against one another. 

It was pitiful how her heart hammered in her chest at the prospect of touching another human being, having that physical contact. Finn had hugged her goodbye when she left D'Qar, but it was brief and their skin never touched. Rey tried to remember the last time she met skin to skin with another person and couldn't. 

A building yearning made her want to simply skim her hand against his own, but she couldn't. Being so weak for affection would surely scare him off. Rey didn't know how long they were there, but she knew this couldn't last all night. At some point they would have to part. 

"Do you live far from here?" Ben asked low and smooth like sweet caramel. 

"Not very far. I usually take the bus," Rey answered, realizing that perhaps this was his way of saying he wanted to part ways but was too polite to say it outright. Her mood sank like a stone in the ocean. 

"I could walk you home. If you let me. You can say no. I can understand if you don't want the strange customer you hardly know to-"

"Yes. Please. I would love it if you could walk me home," Rey answered hoping that she was not coming off too eager. 

He swallowed. "Great," he sighed, sounding relieved. He ran a hand through his hair. 

Rey could not stop the grin spreading across her face. He wasn't leaving her yet. They wandered away from the park, Rey leading them to her apartment. 

Hardly any cars drove on the street and there was no one else on the sidewalks for blocks the further they went into the more residential areas. Rey didn't live in the best neighborhood, but she knew how to defend herself. If Ben had any disparaging thoughts on where her apartment was, he didn’t vocalize it. She stopped in front of her building. Rey clasped her hands behind her back, trying to prevent herself from doing something stupid like holding his hand. 

"Thank you, for the walk in the park and for escorting me home," Rey said. It had to have been well past 1am and it was a weeknight. He probably had work in the morning, she had to work the next day. 

"I was honored to," Ben answered. His gaze was steady, like he was peering into her soul. 

Rey's breath hitched as her stomach fluttered. Her first assessment of Ben's face had been too critical. He wasn't odd looking. The shock of his unconventional face eclipsed her noticing his unique beauty. 

"Are you working tomorrow night?" Ben inquired. He pressed his lips with a hopeful expression. 

"Yes." Rey blushed. After spending so much time with her, did he still wanted to see her again?

"Then I guess I will see you then." Ben's eyes were brimming with things he wanted to say, but was keeping them securely locked up. 

"Okay." She walked the steps to the vestibule of her apartment building, checking over her shoulder often to see if he was still there. He was. 

***

Rey unlocked her apartment door, and shut it behind her. She leaned her back against it as she smiled to herself. 

Her joy evaporated however when faced with her dark cramped apartment. Solitary again. This time it felt worse, by comparison to the time she spent with Ben. That boulder that always pressed on her back had returned. She lamented the empty spot beside herself. A little while ago she had a companion. 

Wringing her hands, Rey got ready to go to bed for the night. This was the worst time of day for her, when there was nothing to distract her, when memories haunted her, and nightmares of being abandoned by her parents plagued her dreaming. Rey burrowed herself in her small bed, wishing for one night of reprieve. 

***

Rey came into work with her stomach in knots. Ben would be back that night. Would he want to walk with her again or was that just a one-time thing? 

"Rey," Jannah said, suddenly standing behind her left shoulder. She jumped, distracted by her musings. "Mitaka has the flu. He won't be in for a couple days, at least. I can put an extra person on the schedule if you think you will need an extra pair of hands."

"Don't bother. I can do it." Rey pulled her eyebrows together. She could handle it on her own. She could use the money. Besides, she liked the idea of having an excuse to talk to Ben when he came in. To be honest, Rey wasn't even sure she liked Ben, but for reasons she couldn't explain, she felt comfortable around him. The hole that always took residence in her rib cage didn’t feel like a gaping wound when she was with him. She knew nothing about Ben, but he noticed her when no one gave her a second glance.

***

There were more guests than either Jannah or Rey had anticipated that night. It wasn't anything the two girls couldn't handle, but it kept them both on their toes. So, when 8pm rolled around, Rey felt like hardly any time had passed. 

The modest crowd was dying down. Rey was in the middle of getting a table their check when Ben came in. Their eyes locked. She thought she saw the corner of his mouth lift a fraction of an inch. 

"I can get Ben's table," Rey called over to Jannah. 

She replied with a bemused smirk. 

Rey tentatively plodded over to Ben's booth holding out the menu and placing down a glass of water. He was going to get the same thing he always did. Rey momentarily wondered what Ben was really like if he stuck to such a strict routine. He could be a control freak or obsessive compulsive. They had just met yet she felt herself getting overly invested. 

"No Mitaka again?" Ben said into his open menu. His eyes flicked to her and she saw a tinge of cautious vulnerability, like a wild animal that wanted to come closer but was afraid. 

She felt the need to speak in a soothing tone. "He will be out for at least a few more days." 

He only hummed in understanding. 

"I will give you a minute to look over the menu," Rey bowed her head shyly, forcing herself to leave his side. They had one walk together. They hardly spoke yet Rey could already feel herself wanting to cling to him. She felt like some kind of stray, happy to get scraps. She shouldn't get so attached. Chances were that whatever was building between them would end before it began. But how much Rey hoped this time would be different. 

Ben ordered his usual meal. He didn't say anything to her more than necessary, but instead of keeping his eyes down, he looked straight into hers. It was like he was trying to convey something to her telepathically. It made her heart skip a beat every time. Rey could be across the room, but still their gaze met and held. It was something secret and special between the two of them. 

Rey cleared his table, then asked, "Did you want your whiskey? Are you still atoning for your sins?" 

Ben gave a bitter laugh. "Forever," he said melancholy. 

Something pulled on the strings of her heart, sympathy pains for this man who now appeared so broken. Rey wanted to comfort him but didn't know what to say. 

She got him his whiskey and placed it on a coaster in front of him. His bottom lip pushed out, and he hunched over the glass. 

"I have problems sleeping too," Ben confessed as he ran a finger on the edge of his glass. A new layer of Ben revealed itself to Rey. He wasn't just sad ; he also had demons he wrestled with. "Most nights I just walk around the city by myself. It was nice to have company for once." Ben takes a sip of the amber liquid. The ice cubes knock together. 

Rey's eyes prickled uncomfortably at the desperation in his tone. She might not know him, but they were the same. Two lost, broken, hurt people, starving for the most minuscule bit of compassion from a heartless world. 

He didn't want to be lonesome and neither did she. What was wrong with taking what she could get while it lasted? They could help each other. "I get off at 12 again. If you wanted to, walk me home after my shift," Rey offered. 

Ben snapped his head up to gape at her slack jawed. "You wouldn't mind going with me again?" He sounded genuinely surprised that she didn't want to push him away. 

Rey smiled. "You are doing me a favor, making sure I get to my apartment safely."

Ben nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah. I can wait until your shift is over."

"Okay." Rey bit her lip. She shouldn't like it so much that he was willing to stay there like a puppy. It was touching and evidence of his deep-rooted need for acceptance. His behavior would have been too smothering for most people. It wasn't for her. 

"By the way, if you insist on eating foods you hate as some kind of self- inflicted punishment, we have a tuna melt that is particularly foul."

The corners of Ben's mouth picked up. In Rey's book that was as good as him laughing aloud. 

***

Rey hadn't had a chance to take her break earlier in the evening, so she had to take it much later than usual. The restaurant was unoccupied by then. It worked out so Rey could sit across from Ben as she dug into a very late dinner.

"I'm guessing you didn't order the tuna?" Ben observed as she unhinged her jaw to take as big a bite as she could from her turkey club. 

"Good guess," Rey said between mouths full of food. 

It was nice, not having to eat unaccompanied. To have conversation over a meal.

"I don't get paid very much, and the tips are lousy, but free food is a nice perk," Rey admitted. She had a very complicated relationship with food, but it was not something she wanted to get into with Ben. Maybe someday. 

"I hope the clientele is also satisfactory." Ben commented leaning closer to her. 

"Some more than others," Rey said under her breath. Something buzzed in the air between them. She was the one to break eye contact first, distracting herself by chomping into her sandwich. "Have you lived here long?" 

Ben sighed and it sounded more like a whimper. "I moved here years ago to get away from my past, cutting ties with all my family. I thought I could let my past die. I took a job at a company I hate, with a boss that says my work is never good enough, that I am not good enough. Then a few years back, my dad died. He had tried to reach out to me before he past and I ignored all of his attempts to contact me. They were both neglectful parents, and there had been a large falling out with my uncle. They took his side. Even so, the guilt was so overwhelming. I couldn't face the rest of my family after my years of coldness. After a while, I just went hollow. I didn't care about my life. I followed a strict routine, just to get through each day. Like auto pilot. I drink the whiskey because it was my dad's favorite. It reminds me of him. The smell always clung to his jackets." 

Rey had stopped eating, giving him her full attention. Her vision began to blur as she could see his misery. 

Ben loosened a shaking breath, his shoulders drooping. "I'm sorry for laying that all out. I usually don't talk to people. I have never told anyone any of this before."

"I am glad you told me," Rey encouraged. "Families, they are - they are complicated, or at least that is what I have heard." Rey studied the half-eaten food on her plate. "My parents abandoned me on a street corner when I was 5." She paused, swallowing against her scratchy throat. "So, yeah, I wouldn't know." Rey wiped a tear from her cheek. "I haven't told anyone about this either." Rey gives Ben a watery smile. "Sorry, I am getting so emotional out of nowhere. It's just been hard, being alone."

Ben leaned forward. "You're not alone." His words were earnest, full of emotion. 

The words slipped out before she could stop them, "Neither are you." 

Ben's hand was resting on the top of the table mere inches from where Rey had hers. Creeping a bit closer, she dared to place the tips of her fingers over his. They both gasped. Rey felt a gentle current, ripple. Maybe because she hadn't been touched in ages this felt heightened, or maybe just because it was him. 

He flipped his hand so it faced up. The ends of their fingers gliding over one another. Rey marveled at the simple contact, tracing the lines on his wide palm. He curled his hand so his thick fingers tickled the underside of her wrist. Merely this, was incredible. Rey closed her eyes to concentrate on the feel of him, her mouth relaxing. When she opened them back up, she realized Ben had been transfixed on her face. They sat there, hands flush against one another, Ben's pupils dilating with a hungry expression. 

"Hey, Rey," Jannah called, causing her to crash back down to earth. She stood behind the bar with her head tilted and hands at her hips. "Break is over. We have to wipe down the bar before closing." 

Rey's hand retreated and she missed the warmth of him already. "Got to get back to it." She jerked a thumb over her shoulder. 

Ben leaned back in his seat. 

***

The restaurant was locked up for the night. Ben and Rey meandered down the street. 

"Did you want to go back to that park?" Ben asked, looking down at his shoes. 

"It's really late, I think that we should just walk to my apartment," Rey suggested, nervousness making her tremor. 

"Yeah, okay," Ben agreed. 

From his crestfallen tone, Rey knew he wasn't understanding her meaning. She cleared her throat to elaborate, "That way we have enough time for you to come up for a drink." That was a lie. Rey didn't have any liquor in her house. 

Ben's whole body tensed. He appraised her like she couldn't possibly be real and standing in front of him. "A drink?" He licked his lips.

Anxiety bubbled inside her. Rey didn't have much of a plan for the night, she only knew that she wanted to spend more time with him. Selfishly, she wanted to keep him with her as long as possible. Rey nodded. 

"Yeah," Ben's voice wavered. 

They were side by side again, their bodies swayed as they tread through the city. Their arms were almost touching. Rey wanted to hold his hand again, greedy for more of him. He didn't mind when she took his hand at the restaurant. Throwing caution to the wind, Rey clasped onto him. 

He startled only for a second before he laced his fingers through hers. Her heart hammered in her chest. They climbed the stairs to the vestibule of her building. Hand shaking, she unlocked the door. 

Turning left, an old elevator operated with clunking gears. It was only the two of them as it traveled to the 4th floor. The tiny space seemed to intensify the atmosphere around them. Being so close, in a confined space, Rey caught the subtle scent of his cologne. It smelled spicy and expensive. Neither one had said a thing to each other during their walk and Rey wondered what Ben was thinking. Each inhale and exhale from him seemed to be amplified. 

"My apartment is only a studio so it's very small." Rey racked her brain trying to remember if her bathroom was clean, if she left anything embarrassing out. 

The elevator pinged on the 4th floor and they walked the short distance to her apartment. She had to let go of his hand to get her keys and unlock it. He stood behind her and she felt her skin on her back tingle with him standing so close. The door swung open into her meager dwelling. 

She flipped on the light. Her living space was one room except for the bathroom. One corner was the kitchen, one was the living room and another her bed. It was hardly furnished. Just a narrow bed with a small dresser in the corner. A futon from the discount store was her couch and there was a coffee table that also served as her dining table. She had a few throws on the futon and small succulents standing on the windowsill. 

When Ben stepped in, his broad frame took a large portion of the apartment. Her place always felt so deserted. She quite liked that he was filling up her home with his presence. Someone was in her home; she could hardly believe she had a guest. Blood rushed in her ears. Rey thought it would be years before making a friend, and here Ben was, someone more than a friend. 

"You can take a seat in the living room. I have tea, or I have water? I have other things too. What did you want?" Rey scrambled to get out of her jacket, scuttling over to the cabinets to get mugs. 

As she reached up above the counter, that same tingling sensation she got out in the hallway pickled her back again. She froze. Rey swore she could feel the heat of his body radiating toward her. A tall silhouette eclipsed the apartment light. Ben stood so close that his chest nearly brushed her back. Her tongue glued to the top of her mouth. She felt hot pressure on her hips as he rested a hand on each side. She could feel the loose tendrils of her hair blow each time he exhaled. 

"I think you know what I want," Ben murmured thickly as if he were admitting a weakness. He said the words into her shoulder. "And I think I know what you want too." He backed away, guiding her to turn and face him. 

His bottom lip trembled as if his face was going to crumble. His expression was heart wrenching. Rey couldn't stand it, and placed her hand on his jaw, rubbing his cheek with her thumb as if she could smooth the lines of distress from his face. He leaned into her palm. 

Ben’s voice was low and sultry as he said, "I saw you that first day you started. I noticed you right away, not only because you were new, but because you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen." His eyes roamed her face as if he was trying to memorize her.

Rey wanted to melt into a puddle, her pulse was so fast, she threatened to burst into flames. But he didn't stop there. 

"I thought there was no way someone like you would even acknowledge someone like me. I was always, ignored, pushed aside. Someone as radiant as you couldn't possibly want to be around my darkness." He whispered softly, "When you weren't paying attention, I watched the small things you did. When there was no one around, you always seemed so lonely. You had that look in your eyes. It was a look I had seen before - in the mirror each morning. I knew, you were like me, adrift, no place to belong, existing instead of living. I longed to talk to you." His voice broke, but he wasn't crying. He cupped her face. 

Rey's thoughts were in a frenzy. Hadn’t she recognized herself in him too? They saw one another down to the marrow of their existence. He understood her like no one had before.

“Then you said you couldn’t sleep. I knew what you were really saying, because I haven’t in years either, laying alone at night desperate to sleep.” Ben pressed his lips.

“Yes,” Rey agreed and she was fed up with it all. She was so sick of being sad, she was so sick of the constant ache she carried all the time. Rey couldn’t bear being the one unwanted. Some days the torment was so great she thought she would split in two. And Rey hated that Ben endured such suffering too. She wanted to help him and knew a way to ease her own sorrow too.

She pushed up on her toes and met her lips to his. It was like drinking a cold glass of water after being stranded for days in a desert land. The clawing wretchedness that resided in her ebbed away. The press of his solid body, caused her to sigh in contentment.

Ben pulled away, blinking rapidly. “Rey,” he said her name like he was a drowning man and she was the one who pulled him up from the waves threatening to ensnare him. 

She needed this more than anything she had ever longed for in her life. For a neglected orphan girl, she had thought she knew the complete depth of her desires. She had been wrong. The way she craved for this man to be hers and hers alone, bordered on obsession.

Ben must have seen it written all over her, the burning desperation. He dove back down, to lick into her mouth. He tasted a bit like his Corellian whiskey and Rey found she liked the smokey sharp tang. Their kisses were slow and consuming. The both of them luxuriating in the closeness.

“Ben,” Rey said in between kisses. “I want to feel you. All of you.”

He paused, retreating, trying to find something there hidden in her eyes. After what felt like an eternity, he nodded. He pushed back his waving hair, before ridding himself of his t-shirt.

Slowly, in the silence of her apartment, they pulled back their layers, more than just physically, being bare and vulnerable to one another in the basest of ways. Their coupling was sweet, moving together in a primal rhythm that existed since the dawn of man. They whispered promises and endearments to one another in the dark.

Rey knew she was done for. She had never felt this strongly about anyone else in her entire life the way she did about Ben. It was almost as if something permanent and irrevocable had snapped into place the moment they became one. She felt whole. With each touch, each sigh and moan it only solidified even more. When they hit their peaks together, they cried out in unison. As they lay there together intertwined, holding one another close, she didn’t feel embarrassed at the tears of joy that slid down her cheeks. Ben kissed the top of her head and shed a few of his own happy tears.

In the middle of an impossibly large city, two lonely, damaged people found one another, and they etched out their happiness together.

“Tell me that you are mine, Rey,” Ben all but begged.

“I’m yours, Ben. Only yours,” And Rey meant every word of it as she rested her head on his chest, listening to his beating heart.

Rey was done waiting for her belonging. She had found it. It was there, encircled in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, you might like my book. 😁


End file.
